Stress, emotional eating, and knowing when to "stop"

Today at my office, on a very busy day, the power went out. Just like that. No warning. The power company had no idea what went wrong or how long it would be before power was restored. And so here I sat. No computer. No phone. No fax or copier. I couldn’t even use the shredder to finish off the pile of trash beside my desk. And I had so much to do.

Eventually, after several false starts (turns out it’s hard to file papers while holding a flashlight), I just stopped. I stopped and I sat in my chair by the window, and eventually I picked up a pile of paperwork I could do by hand and started slowly working on that. What I became very aware of was how soothing it was to slow down--to only be doing and thinking about one thing at a time—and how difficult it really is to slow down when we’re feeling stressed and trying to do too much. I hadn’t really been aware of how many tasks were on my mind and on my mental to-do list until I was literally forced to drastically limit my activity.

Stopping when we are overwhelmed--taking that literal deep breath and just pausing for a moment or two to regroup and to make a conscious decision about what to do next--can make all the difference in the world. And yet, when we are stressed, our brains, our adrenaline levels, our to-do lists, all seem to urge us to keep moving and keep working. Many emotional eaters use food to help them shut out the feelings and help them keep going—through stress, or anxiety, or exhaustion. Sometimes it doesn’t even occur to us to pause or take a break.

Do you recognize this pattern as your own? When in your life could you be more skilled at “stopping?” What are the consequences if you don’t? What one thing could you set into place or post on your refrigerator, or start doing that would help you remember to take a pause and take a breath and make a conscious decision about how to manage your stress. What could you do to help you pause and deliberately consider whether eating because you are stressed is what you really want to do?

Post your comments and ideas below and let me know how they work.

Take good care,

Melissa

New Year's Resolutions Don't Have to Fade Away in January . . .

I just added the information about the next series of Resolutions Telecoaching Groups to my website. These groups harness the power of Life Coaching and group support to help you take your goals and resolutions out of the planning stages and make them into the realities you want them to be. If you've been interested in working with a Life Coach, this is a great opportunity to try out coaching in an extremely affordable way.

The next session, consisting of four one-hour groups, begins on February 27. I'm also continuing the "Bring a friend" special discount because it is so much more powerful to take on your dreams with the support of someone who cares about you right there beside you.

Check out the link for more information, including an audio about the groups.

Melissa

Why Diets Don't Work

A huge mistake that people make when trying to overcome emotional eating and lose weight is that they go on a diet. It’s ironic, because millions of marketing dollars are spent telling us that a diet is exactly what we should do. The truth is, we know that diets don’t work. In many cases, diets can actually take you farther away from the things that you need to be successful at taking control of emotional eating and creating a healthy relationship with food.

Diets do not create long term weight loss. There is evidence that diets can actually lead to binge eating and evidence that long term dieting and yo-yo dieting actually lead to weight gain. Among other things, diets are missing one of the most fundamental tools for taking charge of emotional overeating. In my emotional eating programs and the life coaching I do, I emphasize the importance of learning how to listen to yourself. This is an incredibly powerful tool, because, when you do it well, you are able to access the wisdom only you have about who you are and what your body needs. A diet not only doesn’t teach you that, it can really damage the listening ability you already have.

When you can listen to yourself you can learn from yourself. You can learn to identify when you are hungry and when you are full. You can learn to identify what you are really hungry for—whether it is hunger for food or hunger for something else. When you learn how to listen to yourself appropriately, and when you have the tools, you can tell—and you only get this from listening to yourself—what tool you need to get you through the spot you are in.

Diets don’t teach us to listen to ourselves. Diets tell us what to do. Diets don’t help you to be in touch with your body or your feelings or your needs. They don’t help you learn about your unique individual needs and preferences.

The truth is, there is no one truth that works for everybody all the time. Diets, because they externally prescribe a way of eating without considering who we are, actually put us more out of touch with our body, our appetites and our needs. Diets themselves can create a whole tangled web of complications. Lots of people who have dieted for years (and are still struggling with their weight by the way), tell me they no longer have any idea whether they are really hungry or full. They’ve been trying to eat the way someone told them to for so long, they are out of touch with themselves.

There are ways to overcome emotional eating and there are ways to lose weight and keep it off. The first step to success is realizing that dieting isn’t one of those ways.

Take good care,

Melissa

Taking Control of Emotional Eating Class: You can listen in

Yesterday I presented the first of a series of free teleclasses I will be running in 2008. We had a great class--and the feedback was incredibly enthusiastic. Thanks so much everyone! We covered a lot of ground, including some huge mistakes people make in trying to lose weight, take charge of emotional eating, and make lasting changes in their relationship with food. If you missed the call and would like to listen to the recording, you can go here.

Resolution Group: Bring a friend

I'm very excited about the new Resolutions Coaching Telegroups and want to make sure you know about a great opportunity to build your support system, increase your likelihood for succeeding with your goals, have more fun, and save a bundle of money at the same time. Sign up for the group and bring a friend. You can bring any friend--your friend from next door or your old friend from college who lives across the country. These are telephone-based groups so you can use this opportunity to connect with friends anywhere and work towards making your resolutions into realities together.

The bonus is that when you sign up with a friend, BOTH of you get a big discount. I'm offering $20 off the group fee for each of you. You have to get moving though, the first group meets January 23. All the information, including an audio about the group is here.

Take good care,

Melissa

Making Changes That Last

There is little reward in making changes if the changes don't stick.

Scientists who study change know that mastering the phase of "maintenance" is a crucial part of making any successful change permanent. If we don't develop the skills, the structures, the accountability to keep up with the changes we are making, we won't create changes that last. We become like the yo-yo dieter who has lost the same 20 pounds ten different times.

The maintenance phase of change can begin anywhere from 2-4 months after the initial behavior changes have begun to feel comfortable (the new exercise habit has come to feel routine, you aren't craving cigarettes anymore). Unfortunately, as we get more comfortable with change, we start to relax our vigilance and forget that we are still vulnerable to the old behavior.

Threats to maintaining change that you'll want to watch out for:

Social Pressures: "Everybody else is ordering dessert. I've been doing great, I can afford to relax my rules a bit."
Over Confidence: "I've got this under control, I haven't had a drink in two weeks."
which leads to . . .
Creating Temptation: "There's no reason not to start hanging out at Happy Hour again--I miss my friends. I'll just have club soda and I won't eat any of the free appetizers." Intentionally exposing yourself to things you want to avoid is not a sign of strength.
Self blame and self-critical attitudes: This one surprises people--but it's huge. Studies show that the severity of misplaced self-blame is one of the best predictors of failure to maintain changes. Frequent, inappropriate self criticism backfires and negatively interferes with our ability to make changes. Learning to be curious about why you got stuck or relapsed or "forgot" your plan to change is infinitely more productive than getting mad at yourself.

If you'd like more support and accountability in taking your Resolutions and goals and making them into realities, check out my Resolution Coaching Telegroups which will be starting January 23. You can go here for more information and to hear a recording about the groups.

Take good care,

Melissa

Will Your Resolutions Stick?

I just heard that only 15% of people who make New Year's resolutions manage to keep them. To be honest, that number seems a little high to me. There is a huge difference between a New Year's intention and a well thought-out goal that is fueled by our passion and sense of purpose.

Too often, people set resolutions that are really "shoulds" that have been defined by somebody else."Shoulds" don't usually create much of a spark inside us. They even sound boring, and it's hard to create momentum or motivation around a goal that bores us. A goal that has personal meaning--that we would be willing to fight for if we needed to--that's a different kind of proposition.

How is this related to emotional eating? Well, first of all, the most "healthy" goal can come from either a place of passion or a place of "because I'm supposed to." If you have a goal related to your eating or your weight or your relationship with food, I challenge you to put some thought into how you can really give it meaning. If weight loss is your goal--what's driving it? What's the passion behind it? If you want to lower your blood pressure, ask yourself "Why?" Give yourself a reason that you are really going to be willing to show up for. Do you want to ride a bike again? Live long enough to enjoy your retirement? Be able to jump on your kids' trampoline?

If you want to stop overeating, ask yourself "Why?" If you successfully put food in its place and got on with your life, what would you do with all the extra time and energy and brain space? If you create a goal that you are excited about, you'll have won half the battle.

Here are some great resources for your revamped exciting goals:

Resolution Coaching Groups: Transform your Resolutions into Realities (go to the link to hear an audio recording and get more information)

Free Teleclass: Taking Care of Emotional Eating Once and For All

Take good care,

Melissa

Free Teleclass: Taking Control Of Emotional Eating (once and for all)

Ending emotional eating requires self respect—a lot of it. It also requires some real work. Unfortunately, it’s often different work than people think. Every year, especially this time of year, a lot of energy and frustration is wasted, trying to apply the wrong techniques to achieving weight loss. When these inadequate techniques fail, people often incorrectly blame themselves, instead of the technique. Self-blame diminishes self respect and contributes to a vicious cycle that works against efforts to conquer emotional eating, lose the weight you want, and get on with the life you want to live.

As we move into another year, lots of us are thinking about goals and resolutions and changes we’d like to make. Fantastic. I love fresh starts, but don’t throw out your wisdom with the New Year. There are lots of new books you can buy and diets you can start. Unfortunately, most of them won’t honor the wisdom and knowledge only you carry from living your entire life with your body and your mind. Most of the diet products and books and programs don't provide the techniques and the tools that are appropriate for conquering emotional eating.

Join me for a free teleclass on January 16 at 3pm Eastern (2pm Central, 1pm Mountain, noon Pacific Time), Taking Control of Emotional Eating (once and for all): The five mistakes that people make when trying to lose weight and conquer emotional overeating. I'll do my best to provide you with valuable information that can help you pursue your goals wisely and avoid wasting your efforts on frustrating techniques that are unlikely to meet your needs. Just click on either link above to register and get more information.

Take good care,

Melissa

Emotional eating and weight loss: is a fresh start really what you want?

Happy 2008!

Given that it's January, I shouldn't be surprised at all the ads promoting the beginning of the year and the opportunity for a "fresh start." Like lots of people, I love new beginnings. I like the first page in a new notebook and putting up my new calendar. In January I do think about my goals and plans for the year. But. Please don't see January as an opportunity to "start over." See the New Year as an opportunity to "start where you are."

Just because you haven't achieved your goal doesn't mean that you:

1. haven't already put some effort (probably LOTS of effort) into it


2. don't know more about yourself and what it will take for you to succeed than anyone else on the planet

When you embark on a new change, a new resolution, a new project, be sure to take your wisdom with you! No new diet, no great new program, no philosophy of eating will work for you in a permanent way if you don't take into consideration who you are, where you are in your readiness for change, and what you need to succeed. Your individuality is a crucial part of the equation.

When I get feedback from users of my Emotional Eating Toolbox(TM) and participants in Emotional Eating Toolbox Coaching Groups(TM), I'm always a bit surprised (although I shouldn't be), at how excited people are when they learn how to finally incorporate their own wisdom and their own readiness for change into the process. It can be a surprisingly hard thing to do but the Toolbox program teaches tools that are targeted at overcoming the resistance and self-criticism that often get in the way. Accessing our own wisdom and self-knowledge so that we can incorporate it with outside knowledge is often the final crucial piece that allows everything else to fall into place.

When you think about your goals or resolutions for the year, take some time to also evaluate what you know about yourself that will help you succeed. Where have you gotten stuck in the past? What could you add or do differently so that that doesn't happen again? How can you mobilize your strengths and not push too hard on the things that are just more difficult for you? What are you honestly ready to take on and what needs to wait (for now)?

These are questions we will be addressing in depth in the Emotional Eating Toolbox Coaching Groups(TM), which start on January 23. These groups work in tandem with the Emotional Eating Toolbox(TM). Once you've purchased the Toolbox program, you can join a group at any time. Each week, we'll meet you where you are in the program. We'll focus on your next step, help you over any hurdles and stuck spots, and help add some momentum to keep you moving in the direction you want to go. Take a look, and consider whether these options might be for you.

Take good care,

Melissa

PS: I'm also just added some additional individual coaching slots to my January schedule. If you would like to schedule a free consultation to have your questions answered about coaching and to investigate whether individual coaching would be a helpful option for you, please email me.