The Number One Mistake Emotional Eaters Make

It has nothing to do with food--but it flavors everything.

The number one mistake people make when they are trying to gain control of emotional overeating is that they get mad at themselves and beat themselves up emotionally when things don't go as planned, when they have a slip,or when they overeat. Self-critical judgment is a dead-end place.

You tell yourself you're "wrong" or "bad" or "hopeless." You "screwed up" and you'll have to do better tomorrow.

Like children, adults don't thrive with punishment and negative words. Think about it. How often is the moment that you decide you've "blown it again" the very same moment you decide to go ahead and finish the bag of chips or the cookie dough or the what-ever you just got mad at yourself for eating?

Judgment and self blame are negative, closed, dead-end places.They do nothing to encourage creative problem solving, optimism, resourcefulness--the very things needed to move forward in your emotional eating journey. In fact, when we pile on the self-blame and the guilt, we're more likely to want to go to bed and pull the covers up over our head than we are to want to keep moving forward.

Curiosity is the opposite of judgment. Curiosity is the tool of problem solvers. Curiosity is one of the most powerful tools you can learn to use in making peace with food. Curiosity provides the power to ask questions that will open doors and propel you forward in a journey to take the power back from food and diet. Curiosity allows you to see options and opportunity and new solutions. It's the avenue for learning how to "do it differently."

It's impossible to be absolutely curious and full of self-judgment at the same time.

It might be hard to imagine changing old habits of self blame and that feeling that you "deserve" to be hard on yourself, but my clients are amazed at how powerful that shift feels when they learn how to make it--and how much momentum it provides.

Three ways to engage your curiosity:

Next time you are struggling with your eating/weight/relationshipwith food, try on the following questions. Work to suspend judgmentand approach the questions and your answers with curiosity:

1. What do I know about what made today (this afternoon, this week) so difficult for me? What contributed to my struggles?
2. How was today (a difficult day) different from yesterday which was a little bit better? Is there anything I could learn from the difference that I might incorporate into my life or routine?
3. What was going on for me before I overate? What could I have done insteadof eating?

Learning to let go of the self-blame and embrace a curious mindset is a major component of the 28-Day Emotional Eating Toolbox (TM) program. If you are interested, you can also enroll in a program that includes the Toolbox Self-guided program AND small group coaching.