The Good Life

What if I told you there was a simple, five minute ritual that research has shown can actually increases someone's level of happiness and reduce symptoms of depression? What if I told you that either the ritual or the results (or both) were so compelling that six months after researchers first introduced the technique to their subjects, they were astounded to find that many of them were still using it even though the study had ended after the first week. Would you be interested?

We spend so much time thinking about problems and how to solve them. Some of our brain seems to be wired to focus on the things that don't work and that we want repaired. The truth is, there are some delightful, easy things we can do to enrich our lives and they don't have to take a lot of money or time. The good life doesn't require private jets and a lot of time. The good life comes from aiming consistently for "a better life." I'm talking about the small things we can do to keep the good feelings, the good relationships, or to make things even a bit brighter or nicer. It's like making sure we are applying fertilizer regularly and also making sure the set-up of our life allows us to notice and savor the parts of it we truly love.

What am I talking about? Well it's different for everyone, but here are some ideas: recently, I wrote about the power of music to transform your mood, your activity, and to help feed your spirit. Sometimes taking the time to put on a CD or grab your mp3 player is all you need to make whatever you are doing one notch better. One of my favorite inventions in the world is my coffee maker with a timer on it. Even better is that my incredible husband gets things ready every evening so in the morning when I stumble downstairs, I am greeted by the smell of a great pot of coffee. For me, it makes starting every day perfect, no matter what happens after that.

I have a friend who makes sure she always has cut flowers from her yard on her desk. It truly adds to the quality of her day. Someone else cherishes her morning and evening walks alone with her dog. They help reset her brain and her mood for the next part of her day. In our family, a face-to-face start and end of the day are important. I cherish saying good morning to everyone and wishing them a good night's sleep at the end of the day. If someone isn't home for the night, I find I really really miss that ritual.

Another idea suggested to me was to set aside five minutes every day to send a brief email or make a phone call to a friend you haven't talked to lately. Just to connect and say you were thinking about them or to deliver a compliment.

Think about it. What are the routines and rituals that you already have in place that make your life good? What rituals (remember, I'm talking short and sweet) could you add that would make your good life one notch better? This isn't a rhetorical question. Share your good life routines by adding a comment below. We can all learn from each other.

If you are you curious about the study I mentioned at the beginning, you can read the details here. In the study, participants were asked to take the time each evening to write down three good things that happened each day and their causes. After one week, researchers found that subjects who had kept track of the three good things reported higher levels of happiness and fewer symptoms of depression. While they were not surprised, they were delighted to find that when they retested these subjects three months and then six months after the study ended, these subjects STILL reported increased happiness and decreased symptoms of depression. It turns out that the research subjects had found the ritual so satisfying that they had continued it on their own! You might want to consider the Three Good Things exercise as another routine that can make your good life better.

If you are looking for more ways to add good stuff to your life, check out my complimentary Self-care Package. You can subscribe in the upper right corner of this blog and when you do, you will receive five weekly audio lessons (short!) that you can listen to on your computer.

Take good care,

Melissa

How your iPod can help you take control of emotional eating

A lot of overeating (and emotional eating) happens when we use food to try to "feel better" or improve our mood or our day. Interestingly, music can be an incredibly powerful tool that can serve the same purpose--and doesn't cause weight gain.

At a conference recently, I experienced a very convincing demonstration of the power of music. We were shown a short three minute video, filmed from the perspective of someone walking on a trail through the woods down to a beach. There were no people visible in the video, we only saw the journey through the eyes of the person walking.

We watched the short movie twice. The first time, the video was accompanied by a soundtrack of "scary movie music" (think Jaws and waiting for the shark to break the water). We were all on the edge of our seats, anxious and waiting for something horrible to happen. Then we were shown the video again. This time the music was bright and happy. Watching the video, I noticed the sunny day and the beauty of the woods. It was peaceful and I wanted to be there. I wanted to BE the person walking down the trail. Music changed the mood and created a completely different experience. The music MADE the movie.

Think about it. Music can touch us in powerful ways. A certain song can transport us instantly to a different time or place. Music can elevate our mood. It can be incredibly motivating (think about the theme song from Rocky). Music can relax us and even help us slow down our heart rate.

Belting out the right song can be a great way to work out our anger (Alannis Morrisette anyone?), our hurt, our sorrow or our determination (I knew a woman who prepared to defend her doctoral dissertation by listening to Gloria Gaynor's I Will Survive). Music can soothe us. The right music can feed our soul.

An IPod or mp3 player is a great way to carry a library of music with you and make it instantly accessible. I have this Zune but the teeny-tiny green iPod Shuffle has also caught my eye. Listening to the music on my mp3 player can instantly change how I feel when I run and can make doing boring paperwork a peaceful and enjoyable experience.

Think about it. How and when could you use music to enhance your life, decrease your stress, and maybe even reduce your urges to overeat?

Take good care,

Melissa

Cravings, emotional eating, and knowing what to do about overeating

Emotional eating is a term that’s all over the media this month. There is lots of talk about Paul McKenna and the show I Can Make You Thin and how to stop emotional eating. I confess that I haven’t seen the show yet, but I understand that this week's episode showcased his use of Thought Field Therapy to address emotional eating.

I don't use Thought Field Therapy with my clients. Instead, I teach my clients how to get beyond their emotional eating by showing them the tools they need to identify what is driving their urges to overeat. I teach them how to identify what they need to feed their REAL cravings and hungers and emotions so that they can feel satisfied and stop focusing so much on food. I also don’t tell my clients to ignore their hunger (as many weight loss programs do). I don’t ask my clients to try to distract themselves so they can avoid their hunger until the next time when they are “supposed to eat.” I help my clients face their hunger head on. I help the people I work with recognize that their hunger means they are wanting or needing or feeling something and I help them figure out how to get clear on what that really is, and then how to respond to it.

When we have the tools to accurately respond to our emotional needs and wants, we are empowered to take care of ourselves in a way that overeating will never provide. THAT helps us make changes that last. Having the right tools helps people learn to give food a much smaller place in their lives and get on with focusing on the people, things, and goals that are truly important to them.

Tomorrow I am offering a free teleclass on How to REALLY Feed Your Cravings So You Can Lose Weight.

The class is tomorrow, Thursday, March 27, 2008 at 7pm Eastern, 6pm Central, 5pm Mountain and 4pm Pacific time and you can still enroll.

In the class, I'll teach you five ways to feed yourself what you are really hungry for that won't cause weight gain and should make weight loss easier. Trust me, these are NOT gimmicks or diet tricks. That's simply not what I am about. These are the real tools that you need to know to be able to lose weight and maintain weight loss.

Teleclasses are easy to attend. Once you are registered, you'll get an email with the phone number to call. You simply dial in and provide an access code. Note that you will be responsible for any long distance charges. You can go here to register.

Take good care,

Melissa

Are You Dreaming Big Enough?

Often, emotional eating happens when people are trying to fill unaddressed gaps in the rest of their lives. Emotional eaters tend to be some of the most giving people on the planet--to everyone but themselves. Taking control of emotional eating also involves taking a close look at the rest of your life. Are you giving yourself what you need? Are you feeding your mind? Your body? Your spirit? I promise it will be much easier to avoid the munchies if you are feeding yourself high quality stuff in these other areas.

Do you dream big? Do you dream at all?

I talk to so many people who have been jolted by the realization that they've been so busy chasing their lives and doing everything that's "expected," that they've stopped moving towards creating what they really truly desire.

So many people have wonderful dreams that are buried just beneath the surface--a book they'd love to write, a business venture they'd like to pursue, a race they'd like to sign up for, or a trip they want to take. If only.

If only they had: more time, more motivation, more get-up-and-go. If only they weren't so busy, or if only they had--more money, more connections, more support. If only they could get organized, or if only they could get some time to think. If only they could figure out the first steps.

Here's what I know:

1. The bigger we allow ourselves to dream, the more we accomplish and the more we start to see what is possible.

2. We don't have to be any more amazing than we already are to do amazing things.

3. We don't have to know exactly how we are going to make our dream come true in order to start pursuing it. But we do need to HAVE the dream. We do need to have to have a clear intention that we're going to do whatever-it-is and we do have to create space in our life for our dreams to emerge.

4. Big dreams usually don't require immediate big steps. Small, steady, consistent steps tend to create the most solid and enduring results.

My coaching challenge for you:

1. You've heard this from me before--set some goals.
It is vitally important to put what we want into words. Set goals that are concrete and goals that you can get excited about--both short term and longer term goals. Think about what you WANT to do, not what you think you SHOULD do. Choose goals that make you smile when you think about achieving them.

2. Ask yourself how and when you can commit time to your dreams.
If you need to create some space, ask yourself what you can give up, say "no" to or delegate. Even if you only have fifteen minutes a day or one Saturday afternoon a month, claim your time. Schedule it for you and write it in your calendar.

3. Ask yourself what you need to get started.
Do you need a boost in motivation or some inspiration? Do you need an actual place to work on your dream? A supporter or a mentor? More information?

Don't expect yourself to solve this problem in one fell swoop. Try to define one small step you could take towards obtaining what you need. Write the step down and set a date by which you'll accomplish that piece.

4. Take Action.
Sharing our goals is one of the most powerful steps you can take. Add a comment and share your dream or your goal and your first concrete step.

Take good care,

Melissa

Another free teleclass: stop overeating and keep the weight off

It's time for another free teleclass with more great tools to help you take control of emotional eating.

This month's topic is: How to REALLY Feed Your Cravings So You Can Lose Weight.

Thursday, March 27, 2008 at 7pm Eastern, 6pm Central, 5pm Mountain and 4pm Pacific time.

In the class, I'll teach you five ways to feed yourself what you are really hungry for that won't cause weight gain and should make weight loss easier. Trust me, these are NOT gimmicks or diet tricks. That's simply not what I am about. These are the real tools that you need to know to be able to lose weight and maintain weight loss.

Teleclasses are easy to attend. Once you are registered, you'll get an email with the phone number to call. You simply dial in and provide an access code. Note that you will be responsible for any long distance charges.

Attendance at these calls has been growing dramatically each time we offer one, so register early to hold a spot. If you can't attend, don't worry, the calls will be recorded and I will provide the recording to enrollees after the call.

Go here if you'd like to sign up.

Hope to see you in class!

Melissa

Emotional Eating Recovery Guide: 3 things to do instead of eating the M&Ms

The “M&Ms question” is one of the most common questions I hear. I believe it has been asked in every emotional eating group I have ever led.

“I’m not even hungry and I don’t want to eat them--but they call to me. And then I’m eating them. I can’t stop. What do I do about the blasted M&Ms?”

Here are three things you can do to avoid the M&M emotional eating trap. The bonus of these alternatives is that they all build skills that can help you take charge of emotional eating in the future.

1. Identify it and label it
Don’t allow yourself to be on auto-pilot. Don’t allow any part of yourself to deny what you know until “afterwards”. If you do, the M&Ms will win and you’ll end up feeling guilty and disappointed in yourself. Say it out loud, in a nonjudgmental way. “I’m not physically hungry and I’m dying for those M&Ms. I am experiencing something that is triggering me to think about eating even though I don’t need fuel right now." Don’t skip this step. If you are sitting in your cubicle at work and you are embarrassed to say it out loud, pull out a pad of paper and write it down. While you are at it . . .

2. Explore it
Without judgment, try to be a detective and see if you can identify what this “M&M attack” is really about. Pull out a journal or type on your computer for a few minutes. If you can, you might want to go for a short walk while you think. Why is the candy suddenly so important? What was happening before you were thinking of it? What would you be thinking of if you weren’t thinking about the chocolate? What makes this hour different from one when the candy wasn’t calling quite so loudly or at all? If you figure anything out, be direct with yourself and say that out loud too. “I’m not hungry but I’m focusing on eating candy. I just realized it’s because I’m really stressed out about this report I need to get done and I’m worried about how people will respond when I turn in the report.” If you hit pay dirt here, you’ll now find you have a different problem. The problem isn’t really about M&Ms, it’s figuring out how to take care of yourself and the feelings or issues you identified.

3. Start a List
Take the information you gathered in step two and start a list NOW of everything you can think of that you could do to take care of that feeling in addition to eating M&Ms. Put it in your wallet or by your bed where you can add ideas as you think of them. Don’t censor your ideas for being unrealistic or impossible. Write down every possible thing (big or small) you can think of to do in response to worry or anxiety or tiredness or boredom (or whatever you have identified). Make a commitment to try two of those things, this week when the candy craving hits. Carry the list with you. Keep adding and experimenting.

Recovery from emotional eating is a process. It takes time, and it takes the right tools. If you allow yourself to stop, identify that emotional eating is happening, and explore the situation and your needs, you will find your way out of the M&M trap.

Take good care,

Melissa

MTV is exploring the impact of yo-yo dieting

MTV is reportedly doing a show focused on yo-yo dieting and on the challenges of trying to maintain weight loss. A producer with the network contacted me recently seeking help with an episode they are filming. The producer with True Life, a reality show on the network, told me that the episode is intended to be a show about the world of someone caught in a battle with his or her weight. True Life doesn't want to depict extremes or eating disorders in this episode. They want to show the day-to-day world of someone trying to successfully change their weight.

Interestingly (and true to life I think), the producers were finding that people are less willing to share their battles to maintain weight loss after they have lost the weight then they are to share their current weight loss attempts.

This makes sense to me. Losing weight is hard. Making permanent weight changes is even harder--and yet that reality is often under-emphasized or not talked about at all in weight loss plans and programs.

Change experts recognized that learning to maintain new behaviors and life changes is a separate and very important part of the change process. If a weight loss plan doesn't address that part of change--and do a really good job--then the odds of keeping weight off decrease dramatically. Unfortunately, many people don't recognize how important this maintenance stage is and most people don't address it as a distinct phase in the weight loss process. When the weight starts to come back on, we don't tend to think, "Oh, I must need more tools, more help, or something else to help me really solidify the changes I've made and master this maintenance phase." No, what often happens when the weight starts to come back on is that we blame ourselves and feel like we failed (again).

Shame and guilt frequently accompany weight regain, making us less likely to seek the help or tools that might get us out of the shame trap and back on the path we want to be on. It's an incredibly painful place to be and I can understand why people would be reluctant to share their vulnerability on national television.

I have no idea what the True Life episode will be like once it is filmed, but I hope they do a good job and I hope they talk about this shame trap and its potential pitfalls. Because once we know about the trap, and once we know that it's not just us that feels that way, it's a lot harder to get isolated and trapped in it.

Take good care,


Melissa