My Six Word Memoir: “Life is not the dress rehearsal”

I posted this quote (attributed to Rose Tremain) on my bedroom wall when I was sixteen and now it lives on my website--you can find it (here).

Here’s a bit about what it means to me:

Make sure you are writing the script you want to be living.

Get clear on your priorities, your values, and your goals and then spend your energy accordingly. Spending the time to do this will pay off in ways you won’t believe. Ask yourself, “Are you running your life or is your life running you?” If your life isn’t what you want it to be, spend the energy, the time, or the dollars to get the help you need to get on YOUR track.

Don’t wait for someone else to yell, “Action!”

Don’t wait for permission from anyone else to live your life. Make sure to create space for you. If it seems like there is never time or opportunity for the things you value or for your priorities, there is something wrong.

By the same token, don’t neglect yourself in the care you extend. Remember--put your oxygen mask on first. It’s essential. Self-care and attention to your needs will make not only your life, but the world, a better place.

Be brave. Don’t let stage fright stop you.

Even Oscar winners get stage fright. Courage does not mean having no fear. Courage means doing the hard thing anyway. Acknowledge your stage fright. Take a deep breath, be afraid, and then do the thing you need to do. Just take the first small step. We tend to have more regret around the things we didn’t do than the things we did that didn’t go perfectly.

Don’t be afraid to improvise.

You don’t have to know every step of the process in order to get started. If you have a goal or a dream and you can identify one step that you can take towards it—get moving. Plans unfold and evolve as we live them. Things that originally seemed impossible from a distance aren’t usually so imposing once we find a way to start approaching them. Take action and let the momentum and the plan unfold and build as you go.

This entry was inspired by Diana who blogs over at Iowa Avenue and also has a blog called The Menu Coach Chronicles. She tagged me to write a Six Word Memoir. It’s now my turn to pass the blogging baton by tagging people myself.

The rules are simple--write your own six word memoir following these five rules:

• Write your own six word (max) memoir


• Post it on your blog and include a visual illustration if you want


• Link to the person who tagged you in your post.


• Tag at least five more blogs.


• Leave a comment on the tagged blogs with an invitation to play.

I invite the following bloggers to play. Some of you I know and some of you I haven't met. I just love your blogs and am interested in what you'll have to say. Hope you decide to play along.
Karly, Gregory Anne, Jay, Henrik and Stephanie --Tag—you’re it!

More quick tips

Emotional eating, nervous eating, stress eating, bored eating--the eating that happens when you aren't physically hungry--tends to happen when you don't know what else to do about how you are feeling, or you don't feel like you can take the time to do it. If my last post about enhancing the quality of your life in quick ways interested you, you should check out Lisa Newton's post, 50 Ideas for a Healthy Lifestyle That Take Ten Minutes or Less. Lisa is the founder of Iowa Avenue, a healthy living social community where I am privileged to be able to share my blog posts. Lisa's post above appeared at another site you might want to check out, Dumb Little Man. It's a blog about making life simpler with lots of tips for how to stay satisfied when you live a really busy life. Pretty cool!

Take good care,
Melissa

The Good Life

What if I told you there was a simple, five minute ritual that research has shown can actually increases someone's level of happiness and reduce symptoms of depression? What if I told you that either the ritual or the results (or both) were so compelling that six months after researchers first introduced the technique to their subjects, they were astounded to find that many of them were still using it even though the study had ended after the first week. Would you be interested?

We spend so much time thinking about problems and how to solve them. Some of our brain seems to be wired to focus on the things that don't work and that we want repaired. The truth is, there are some delightful, easy things we can do to enrich our lives and they don't have to take a lot of money or time. The good life doesn't require private jets and a lot of time. The good life comes from aiming consistently for "a better life." I'm talking about the small things we can do to keep the good feelings, the good relationships, or to make things even a bit brighter or nicer. It's like making sure we are applying fertilizer regularly and also making sure the set-up of our life allows us to notice and savor the parts of it we truly love.

What am I talking about? Well it's different for everyone, but here are some ideas: recently, I wrote about the power of music to transform your mood, your activity, and to help feed your spirit. Sometimes taking the time to put on a CD or grab your mp3 player is all you need to make whatever you are doing one notch better. One of my favorite inventions in the world is my coffee maker with a timer on it. Even better is that my incredible husband gets things ready every evening so in the morning when I stumble downstairs, I am greeted by the smell of a great pot of coffee. For me, it makes starting every day perfect, no matter what happens after that.

I have a friend who makes sure she always has cut flowers from her yard on her desk. It truly adds to the quality of her day. Someone else cherishes her morning and evening walks alone with her dog. They help reset her brain and her mood for the next part of her day. In our family, a face-to-face start and end of the day are important. I cherish saying good morning to everyone and wishing them a good night's sleep at the end of the day. If someone isn't home for the night, I find I really really miss that ritual.

Another idea suggested to me was to set aside five minutes every day to send a brief email or make a phone call to a friend you haven't talked to lately. Just to connect and say you were thinking about them or to deliver a compliment.

Think about it. What are the routines and rituals that you already have in place that make your life good? What rituals (remember, I'm talking short and sweet) could you add that would make your good life one notch better? This isn't a rhetorical question. Share your good life routines by adding a comment below. We can all learn from each other.

If you are you curious about the study I mentioned at the beginning, you can read the details here. In the study, participants were asked to take the time each evening to write down three good things that happened each day and their causes. After one week, researchers found that subjects who had kept track of the three good things reported higher levels of happiness and fewer symptoms of depression. While they were not surprised, they were delighted to find that when they retested these subjects three months and then six months after the study ended, these subjects STILL reported increased happiness and decreased symptoms of depression. It turns out that the research subjects had found the ritual so satisfying that they had continued it on their own! You might want to consider the Three Good Things exercise as another routine that can make your good life better.

If you are looking for more ways to add good stuff to your life, check out my complimentary Self-care Package. You can subscribe in the upper right corner of this blog and when you do, you will receive five weekly audio lessons (short!) that you can listen to on your computer.

Take good care,

Melissa

How your iPod can help you take control of emotional eating

A lot of overeating (and emotional eating) happens when we use food to try to "feel better" or improve our mood or our day. Interestingly, music can be an incredibly powerful tool that can serve the same purpose--and doesn't cause weight gain.

At a conference recently, I experienced a very convincing demonstration of the power of music. We were shown a short three minute video, filmed from the perspective of someone walking on a trail through the woods down to a beach. There were no people visible in the video, we only saw the journey through the eyes of the person walking.

We watched the short movie twice. The first time, the video was accompanied by a soundtrack of "scary movie music" (think Jaws and waiting for the shark to break the water). We were all on the edge of our seats, anxious and waiting for something horrible to happen. Then we were shown the video again. This time the music was bright and happy. Watching the video, I noticed the sunny day and the beauty of the woods. It was peaceful and I wanted to be there. I wanted to BE the person walking down the trail. Music changed the mood and created a completely different experience. The music MADE the movie.

Think about it. Music can touch us in powerful ways. A certain song can transport us instantly to a different time or place. Music can elevate our mood. It can be incredibly motivating (think about the theme song from Rocky). Music can relax us and even help us slow down our heart rate.

Belting out the right song can be a great way to work out our anger (Alannis Morrisette anyone?), our hurt, our sorrow or our determination (I knew a woman who prepared to defend her doctoral dissertation by listening to Gloria Gaynor's I Will Survive). Music can soothe us. The right music can feed our soul.

An IPod or mp3 player is a great way to carry a library of music with you and make it instantly accessible. I have this Zune but the teeny-tiny green iPod Shuffle has also caught my eye. Listening to the music on my mp3 player can instantly change how I feel when I run and can make doing boring paperwork a peaceful and enjoyable experience.

Think about it. How and when could you use music to enhance your life, decrease your stress, and maybe even reduce your urges to overeat?

Take good care,

Melissa

Cravings, emotional eating, and knowing what to do about overeating

Emotional eating is a term that’s all over the media this month. There is lots of talk about Paul McKenna and the show I Can Make You Thin and how to stop emotional eating. I confess that I haven’t seen the show yet, but I understand that this week's episode showcased his use of Thought Field Therapy to address emotional eating.

I don't use Thought Field Therapy with my clients. Instead, I teach my clients how to get beyond their emotional eating by showing them the tools they need to identify what is driving their urges to overeat. I teach them how to identify what they need to feed their REAL cravings and hungers and emotions so that they can feel satisfied and stop focusing so much on food. I also don’t tell my clients to ignore their hunger (as many weight loss programs do). I don’t ask my clients to try to distract themselves so they can avoid their hunger until the next time when they are “supposed to eat.” I help my clients face their hunger head on. I help the people I work with recognize that their hunger means they are wanting or needing or feeling something and I help them figure out how to get clear on what that really is, and then how to respond to it.

When we have the tools to accurately respond to our emotional needs and wants, we are empowered to take care of ourselves in a way that overeating will never provide. THAT helps us make changes that last. Having the right tools helps people learn to give food a much smaller place in their lives and get on with focusing on the people, things, and goals that are truly important to them.

Tomorrow I am offering a free teleclass on How to REALLY Feed Your Cravings So You Can Lose Weight.

The class is tomorrow, Thursday, March 27, 2008 at 7pm Eastern, 6pm Central, 5pm Mountain and 4pm Pacific time and you can still enroll.

In the class, I'll teach you five ways to feed yourself what you are really hungry for that won't cause weight gain and should make weight loss easier. Trust me, these are NOT gimmicks or diet tricks. That's simply not what I am about. These are the real tools that you need to know to be able to lose weight and maintain weight loss.

Teleclasses are easy to attend. Once you are registered, you'll get an email with the phone number to call. You simply dial in and provide an access code. Note that you will be responsible for any long distance charges. You can go here to register.

Take good care,

Melissa

Are You Dreaming Big Enough?

Often, emotional eating happens when people are trying to fill unaddressed gaps in the rest of their lives. Emotional eaters tend to be some of the most giving people on the planet--to everyone but themselves. Taking control of emotional eating also involves taking a close look at the rest of your life. Are you giving yourself what you need? Are you feeding your mind? Your body? Your spirit? I promise it will be much easier to avoid the munchies if you are feeding yourself high quality stuff in these other areas.

Do you dream big? Do you dream at all?

I talk to so many people who have been jolted by the realization that they've been so busy chasing their lives and doing everything that's "expected," that they've stopped moving towards creating what they really truly desire.

So many people have wonderful dreams that are buried just beneath the surface--a book they'd love to write, a business venture they'd like to pursue, a race they'd like to sign up for, or a trip they want to take. If only.

If only they had: more time, more motivation, more get-up-and-go. If only they weren't so busy, or if only they had--more money, more connections, more support. If only they could get organized, or if only they could get some time to think. If only they could figure out the first steps.

Here's what I know:

1. The bigger we allow ourselves to dream, the more we accomplish and the more we start to see what is possible.

2. We don't have to be any more amazing than we already are to do amazing things.

3. We don't have to know exactly how we are going to make our dream come true in order to start pursuing it. But we do need to HAVE the dream. We do need to have to have a clear intention that we're going to do whatever-it-is and we do have to create space in our life for our dreams to emerge.

4. Big dreams usually don't require immediate big steps. Small, steady, consistent steps tend to create the most solid and enduring results.

My coaching challenge for you:

1. You've heard this from me before--set some goals.
It is vitally important to put what we want into words. Set goals that are concrete and goals that you can get excited about--both short term and longer term goals. Think about what you WANT to do, not what you think you SHOULD do. Choose goals that make you smile when you think about achieving them.

2. Ask yourself how and when you can commit time to your dreams.
If you need to create some space, ask yourself what you can give up, say "no" to or delegate. Even if you only have fifteen minutes a day or one Saturday afternoon a month, claim your time. Schedule it for you and write it in your calendar.

3. Ask yourself what you need to get started.
Do you need a boost in motivation or some inspiration? Do you need an actual place to work on your dream? A supporter or a mentor? More information?

Don't expect yourself to solve this problem in one fell swoop. Try to define one small step you could take towards obtaining what you need. Write the step down and set a date by which you'll accomplish that piece.

4. Take Action.
Sharing our goals is one of the most powerful steps you can take. Add a comment and share your dream or your goal and your first concrete step.

Take good care,

Melissa

Self-care takes discipline

Karly Randolph Pitman has written another great blog post about the role of discipline in establishing good self-care. It's so easy to come to think of discipline as something we have to do--a demand imposed from the outside--that we forget that sometimes discipline can apply to things we want to do for ourselves. Discipline can mean holding ourselves to a standard, or an expectation, or a daily routine because we value what we gain from it. Too often, the things we want or need for ourselves go by the wayside because we get so busy with everyone else's priorities. When we exhaust ourselves tending to the needs of everyone but ourself, we can come to feel like quality self-care means collapsing into a recliner at the end of the day. Not true. Learning to apply the discipline we use in the rest of our life to taking the most excellent care of ourselves creates an incredibly powerful shift. What do you think?

Take good care,

Melissa

It's February: Do your resolutions need recharging?

So how are you doing? Do you feel like you're moving in the direction you want your life to go? Where are you in relation to your hopes and dreams and goals? Do you see yourself making steady progress in the right direction? Taking charge of emotional eating means learning to feed ourselves in ways that are more powerful than food. It means paying attention to our hopes and dreams and taking the steps we need to take to move forward. Taking charge of emotional eating means living a bigger life and learning to think beyond food.

If the picture isn't as rosy as you'd like it to be, if you are off track or struggling or just-plain-not-moving, don't despair. This is a great time to reevaluate, rework your plan, and begin taking some powerful steps in the direction you want to go. Whether you want to write a book, change your job, lose weight, or start using your treadmill for something other than a clothes rack, here are three essential tips for getting (and staying) on track.

1. Be specific.
Set concrete SMART goals. SMART stands for Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic and Tangible. "I will write three pages every morning before work" is a SMART goal. So is, "I will apply for two jobs this week." "I will get in shape" is not a SMART goal, but "I will complete the weight circuit at the gym on Monday, Wednesday and Friday after work" is.

2. Break your overall goal down into manageable steps.
If you want to quit smoking, you'll need more than one "quit smoking goal." Create specific SMART sub-goals and milestones for each day and each week. If you aren't achieving your daily milestones, you'll need to step back and evaluate why your plan isn't working, then add in the components you need to meet your daily targets. Key questions to ask here might be: "Is my goal reasonable for the time frame?" "What might help me increase my odds of success in this situation?" "How can I add in some support or accountability?"

3. Keep the big picture in mind.
Chances are, you are looking to make a change that lasts; create a habit that sticks; or complete the big project you are beginning. "Slow and steady" really does win the race. We tend greatly overestimate what we can accomplish in the short run and underestimate what we can do in the bigger picture. Make sure that you are being realistic and don't take on more than your life and current stress level will allow. Small changes are easier to maintain than drastic leaps outside of your comfort zone.

If you want some extra momentum, some help with accountability, and a gentle but powerful kick-in-the-pants with your goal or dream, consider joining a Resolution Coaching Group. The next session of the Resolution Coaching Telegroups begins February 27 (just click on the link for more information and to listen to a short audio recording about the groups). This is a terrific opportunity to jump start your goals and gain powerful momentum as you move forward with your dream. The small group format is a fun and affordable way to try out Life Coaching. As an additional encouragement, we're offering a discount when you sign up with a friend. Bring a friend and BOTH of you will get a $20 discount on the session. Go here for the scoop.

How NOT to overeat when you are stressed at work

A client just emailed me. She’s using the Emotional Eating Toolbox(TM) program at home and has discovered that she’s using food to cope with her feelings at work when a task seems overwhelming. She asks: “How can I handle the stress (at work)?” Great question.

Finding the right answer for you will depend on a number of things, including your individual preferences and schedule, the constraints of your job, and the nature of the task. However, here are some questions that might be helpful.

Can you identify when you start to feel overwhelmed and when you start thinking about food? Is it before you face the task? Is it procrastination? Is it in the middle of the task? When you do think about food, what are you feeling—confused, distracted, anxious, uncertain, overloaded? Do you eat when the task is done as a reward or as a way to deal with the stress you built up “getting through” the process? The answers to these questions give you valuable information to help you shape an alternative response to eating that will work for you. Knowing these answers will allow you to begin to pinpoint how you could respond to your feelings directly.

If the task seems overwhelming is there anything you could do to make it one degree less overwhelming? Could you break it down into smaller sub-goals? Get more clarity about what is expected? Delegate? Can you get additional support—either support to help you with the project or support for you in other areas so that you have more energy to devote to the project? Can you dive in for ten minutes and see how that feels?

Sometimes we just need to take a break. Can you walk around the block or around your office or even go to the bathroom and look yourself in the eye in the mirror and ask yourself what you need to do next? Can you stretch or get a cup of tea instead of heading to the vending machine?

Sometimes we just have to do the really hard thing. If you take a deep breath and dive in, how will you reward yourself for your courage? What can you do instead of snacking? How can you celebrate your progress as you work through the task? How can you give yourself credit?

These questions are just the tip of the iceberg. The key point is that once we start asking ourselves what we REALLY need and what we are REALLY feeling (and once we acknowledge that it’s not hunger), we start to be able to formulate solutions that are powerful and much more effective than a bag of chips from the vending machine.

New Year's Resolutions Don't Have to Fade Away in January . . .

I just added the information about the next series of Resolutions Telecoaching Groups to my website. These groups harness the power of Life Coaching and group support to help you take your goals and resolutions out of the planning stages and make them into the realities you want them to be. If you've been interested in working with a Life Coach, this is a great opportunity to try out coaching in an extremely affordable way.

The next session, consisting of four one-hour groups, begins on February 27. I'm also continuing the "Bring a friend" special discount because it is so much more powerful to take on your dreams with the support of someone who cares about you right there beside you.

Check out the link for more information, including an audio about the groups.

Melissa

Will Your Resolutions Stick?

I just heard that only 15% of people who make New Year's resolutions manage to keep them. To be honest, that number seems a little high to me. There is a huge difference between a New Year's intention and a well thought-out goal that is fueled by our passion and sense of purpose.

Too often, people set resolutions that are really "shoulds" that have been defined by somebody else."Shoulds" don't usually create much of a spark inside us. They even sound boring, and it's hard to create momentum or motivation around a goal that bores us. A goal that has personal meaning--that we would be willing to fight for if we needed to--that's a different kind of proposition.

How is this related to emotional eating? Well, first of all, the most "healthy" goal can come from either a place of passion or a place of "because I'm supposed to." If you have a goal related to your eating or your weight or your relationship with food, I challenge you to put some thought into how you can really give it meaning. If weight loss is your goal--what's driving it? What's the passion behind it? If you want to lower your blood pressure, ask yourself "Why?" Give yourself a reason that you are really going to be willing to show up for. Do you want to ride a bike again? Live long enough to enjoy your retirement? Be able to jump on your kids' trampoline?

If you want to stop overeating, ask yourself "Why?" If you successfully put food in its place and got on with your life, what would you do with all the extra time and energy and brain space? If you create a goal that you are excited about, you'll have won half the battle.

Here are some great resources for your revamped exciting goals:

Resolution Coaching Groups: Transform your Resolutions into Realities (go to the link to hear an audio recording and get more information)

Free Teleclass: Taking Care of Emotional Eating Once and For All

Take good care,

Melissa

Avoiding Holiday Stress (and Emotional Eating): Tip Five

Take Care of Yourself

I know, it's easier said than done. And yet--when you do it--everything else really is easier. Learning to allow ourselves to prioritize our own self care is an extremely hard lesson for lots of us to learn--but it's really an essential first step. I know that many tip sheets for coping with holiday stress trumpet the value of self care, but I've worked hard to create a way to make it a lot more do-able. Here's my end-of-year gift to you: a Self-care Package(tm). The Self-care Package(tm) I've created consists of five quick-and-to-the-point audio lessons. There's absolutely no cost. Just go here and look in the upper right-hand corner of the page. Or you can use the form in the top right-hand corner of this blog. Once a week for five weeks you'll be emailed a link to a very short (about 3 minutes) audio with concrete steps (and assignments) aimed at helping you improve your self-care and get on track for 2008. I designed the weekly package deliveries to be straightforward and absolutely possible to accomplish. Check it out and leave a comment below to let me know what you think.

Take good care,

Melissa

Avoiding Holiday Weight Gain--a resource

Karly Randolph Pitman has written a lovely article about avoiding holiday weight gain and overwhelm. There's an incredible wealth of food for thought here (pun intended), so read deep and enjoy. I especially resonate with Karly's emphasis on how vital it is that we stay connected to ourselves and to our spirit. The words I tend to use are passion and purpose. When we are able to learn to use passion and purpose to fuel our lives, food and over eating become so much less central.

Karly blogs on a range of topics that I think will strike a chord with you if you like what you read here. She had some nice things to say about Peace With Cake and as you can see, the praise is reciprocal.

Take good care,

Melissa

Avoiding Holiday Stress (and Emotional Eating): Tip Four

Say "No" So You Can Say "Yes"

We can only do what we can do. Really. And, if we want to do it well, we should usually only try to do one thing at a time. I've worked with many women who seemed to believe that if they tried hard enough or learned to get it just right, they would find a way to plant more hours in their day and get more done. Not true. Actually, sometimes the mark of a truly competent person is being able to say (with great truthfulness), "This is really all that I can do." Also, as much as our consumer-driven society would like you to believe it, more ISN'T necessarily better. In most situations, a job well done--quality work (as my son's teachers call it)--trumps more work in terms of how we end up feeling about it. Five pounds lost with comfort and forever feels much more satisfying than ten pounds lost in a carb fast that you know will come back as soon as you lose your "willpower" and eat toast again. The perfect gift that hits just the right chord is ten times more valuable than five gifts that the recipient doesn't value.

This season, try doing less.

You may have noticed a theme in these "emotional eating and stress" posts. Move deliberately, at a pace and in a way that works for you. Know where you are going and move in that direction. In order to do those things, we need to know what we are passionate about--what drives us and where we want to go, and we need to know where and how we find our purpose--why we want to go where we are headed. We also need to be mindful of wrong turns and detours and bright shiny objects that might distract us from our path.

It's a great exercise to practice being alert for the detours and wrong turns--the requests and demands that pull on us that we really don't want or need to spend our energy on. Learn to be aware of them, and--I challenge you to practice saying, "No."

Saying "No" to the things you need to--dead weight obligations that drag you down and don't take you anywhere--creates powerful space and energy in your life for the things connected to your passion and your purpose. That is the space where quality comes from and that is the space where you will create the experiences that you will savor this season and the rest of the year.

Here's my challenge for you: Make a list of three things or "obligations" (big or small) that are keeping you from spending your energy in more valuable places. Now, devise a way to either eliminate them (say "No"), or limit the time and energy they take in your life.

Take good care,

Melissa

Avoiding Holiday Stress (and Emotional Eating): Tip Three

Slow down

Being present and centered allows us to make choices that are planned and deliberate. Being present is what allows us to carefully look at the appetizer tray and decide whether we are hungry and what really looks good. When we’re stressed or in a rush, we often skip that step. As if by magic, our hand reaches out, we fill our plate with food, eat it without really tasting, don’t register much about the taste, and don’t assess whether we are still hungry or whether we are full until much later down the line.

This season, I challenge you to practice slowing down and being present. Make a ritual out of taking five minutes every morning. Use the time to notice how you are doing.

1. What are you thinking about? Each day, write down the one-three things that you could do that would relieve the most pressure on your to-do list and set your goal to get those things accomplished.


2. Notice how you are feeling Are you tired? Sluggish? Excited? If you notice something that could be improved with self-care (such as noticing that you aren’t getting enough sleep or activity), make a quick plan to start to remedy the situation. This probably isn’t the time to undertake a major life transformation, but you can set the intention of taking a brisk walk on your lunch hour or getting to bed thirty minutes earlier.

Too often, if we don’t recognize our need for self-care and if we don’t give ourselves permission to slow down, we’ll resort to food and overeating to fill in the gaps or dampen down the stress or comfort us when we’re tired. Being pro-active by allowing yourself some consistent time to slow down and take stock will help you take control of stressful situations and minimize emotional eating.

Take good care,
Melissa

Avoiding Holiday Stress (and Emotional Eating): Tip Two

Savoring and the things you really do have to do

What are the holiday activities and rituals that you enjoy? The ones that revitalize you or give you a peaceful feeling, or that you look forward to each year? Take the time—now—to make a list of your holiday “musts.” Not the “have tos” but the “this is what makes it all worthwhile” experiences.

Now (yes now!) take out your calendar and make sure you have them all prominently scheduled. Don’t just count on them to happen naturally. These “musts” are important. Your holiday joy and energy is going to flow from these experiences and the feelings they generate. Take some time to think about how you can maximize these experiences—how can you savor them fully or increase your ability to focus on them.

Savoring is often the variable that makes the difference between a delightful, soul-warming experience and overindulgence. When we are savoring—whether it is savoring music or good company or your Aunt Mabel’s rum balls—we are nourishing ourselves. When we aren’t tuned in enough to savor, we’re just taking it in. We are much more likely to end up tired, over-stimulated, worn out, and with a sugar hangover.

So what would it take to savor the “musts” on your list even more than you already do? Would it require blocking out more time so you won’t have to rush? Planning something in advance? Delegating? Saying “no” to some other things so you have energy to enjoy the important experience? I challenge you to take the top three experiences you selected and come up with one thing you could do, ask for, or not do that would make the experience even better.

Add a comment and share your list—or the ideas and plans you have to maximize your savoring.

Take good care,

Melissa

Avoiding Holiday Stress (and Emotional Eating): Tip One

This month I'm going to share some of my best ideas for staying in touch with the spirit of the holidays and avoiding the feelings of stress and overwhelm that tend to lead down the road to emotional eating.

Tip One: Noticing

Do you know how powerful it is to really be seen? To have someone look at us and acknowledge our accomplishments, our efforts, our intentions? Close your eyes and imagine someone telling you they see the efforts you make to be the person you want to be.

They might say:
"I see how much courage it took for you to make that presentation to the boss."
or
"It's clear to me how much you value your children."
or
"I notice that you are really trying your hardest to pay off those credit cards."
or
"I notice how hard you work to make the holidays special for everyone."

Most of us DO work very hard at the things that are important to us. Unfortunately, during times of stress or of increased demands, it's easy to get focused on what is "undone" rather than what "is done."

This month, I challenge you to set a goal of "noticing" each of your family members (feel free to try it with colleagues too!) three times a day. It doesn't have to be anything major. Simply acknowledge either their efforts or their intentions.

"I notice that you set the table and I appreciate it."
"I noticed how hard you were working not to let her frustrate you."
"I notice how you always keep your car spotless. It must take a lot of effort."
"I notice that were really frustrated with those Christmas lights but you kept going anyway and now they are up and they look great."
"I notice that in spite of how busy you are, you made my email a priority and it really helped me out."

I think you will be amazed at how far a little noticing goes. When you acknowledge someone, the impact reverberates. It's contagious. It lightens the mood and creates a focus on the positive and on possibility. It absolutely reduces stress.

Take good care,
Melissa

The Mom Song: for everyone who is a mom or who has one

Check this out and then I'll tell you what "The Mom Song" has to do with emotional eating. If you've ever been a child OR a mom, I think you'll love this clip.



Is it any wonder that overeating, nibbling, grazing and even bingeing become a "convenient" way to temporarily deal with our needs? When we're busy, when we feel responsible for multiple people and multiple obligations, when we are working to balance multiple roles, it's tempting to neglect our own needs, to take a "short cut" and do the easiest, most immediate thing that might "make ourselves feel better."

Eating a cookie (or two or six) doesn't require a lot of time, it doesn't make demands on others, it doesn't require us to assert ourselves or disappoint anyone else. But--as we all know, in the long run, the food we eat in an attempt to cope with our emotions, our anxiety, our boredom, our tiredness, or anything else besides hunger, doesn't accomplish anything permanently helpful.

As we move into the holiday season, the demands on most of us (moms or not) are likely to increase. "The most wonderful time of the year" can also be an incredibly stressful time. I'll be encouraging my clients (and reminding myself) to SLOW DOWN and identify and focus on the really important stuff.

If you want some extra help, you might want to take a look at the Emotional Eating Toolbox, a 28-Day program focused on teaching you the tools to move beyond emotional eating so that you can get on with the life you want to live.

Take good care,

Melissa

Is gaining sleep a key to losing weight?

Researchers continue to learn more about the relationship between reduced sleep and weight gain. If you are feeling out of control with food, eating or weight it is something important to pay attention to.

Do you overeat when you are tired? I know I do. It's easy to mistake feelings of tiredness for hunger, and it's tempting to eat when we're tired to try to increase our energy or alertness.

Now we are learning that being low on sleep can actually cause you to be hungrier and that skimping on sleep may cause weight gain whether or not you eat more!

Short-term sleep deprivation seems to lower levels of leptin, a hormone that tells us when we are full, and increase levels of the hormone ghrelin, which promotes appetite. Have you had the experience after a night of little sleep where you feel like you can eat everything in sight and never feel full? That's likely the low leptin, high ghrelin effect. In one study, of 12 males whose sleep was restricted for two days, appetite increased dramatically, as did the desire for sweets, starch and salty foods. In fact, cravings for high carbohydrate, high calorie foods increased by 45 percent!

Sleep restriction seems to cause physiologic effects that may actually predispose one to gain weight, and this may be at least partially independent of how much you eat. In a study involving over 68,000 women who were followed for 16 years, knowing that a subject usually slept less than seven hours a night was predictive of weight gain, including a substantial increased risk of major weight gain (greater than 33 pounds over the sixteen years) and obesity. Women who regularly slept five hours or less were 32% more likely to have gained at least 33 pounds over the 16 years than those who slept 7-8 hours.

Even when researchers controlled for levels of caloric intake and activity, those who slept less gained more weight. The weight gain was not accounted for by the amount of food that was eaten!

Other studies of men and women have documented higher levels of body fat in individuals who sleep less than 8 hours a night. Although the complicated relationship between sleep and weight is far from well understood, certain findings seem to be consistent, and at least one point seems clear. Sleep is not a variable that should be overlooked in anyone’s self care.

For busy people, sleep is often the first thing to go when the to-do list gets too crowded. It's a huge mistake—for lots of different reasons—and staying in control of your relationship with food is one of them.

Melissa