Free Teleclass Coming Your Way!

After taking a summer break, I'm happy to announce that my free teleclass series is starting up again in September. The next free teleclass is on a specialized topic: Emotional Eating, Overeating, and Success After Weight Loss Surgery. If you are someone who has had weight loss surgery or is considering it, this call is for you.

The teleclass takes place Wednesday September 3, 2008 at
3 pm Eastern, 2 pm Central, 1 pm Mountain, and noon Pacific time.

If you can't attend, don't let that stop you from registering. The call will be recorded and registered participants will receive access to the class recording after the call. If you've never attended a teleclass before, they're easy. You'll just dial in on the phone number you will receive when you register (you are responsible for any long distance charges) and when prompted you'll be given an access code to enter.

You can go here to register and when you do, you'll have an opportunity to submit a question that you would like addressed. I'll try to get to as many as I can on the call. Hope to "see" you in class!

Take good care,

Melissa

More Thoughts on Hunger and Emotional Eating: Hara Hachi Bu

The Japanese have an expression, hara hachi bu, or “eat until you’re 80 percent full.”

Residents of the Japanese island of Okinawa, who are among the longest living and healthiest people in the world, have traditionally practiced hara hachi bu. The practice is to be mindful of your eating and eat only until you are 80 percent full.

To try hara hachi bu, eat until you feel “mostly full,” then wait 20 minutes. Pay attention to what the experience is like for you. Notice what that 80 percent really feels like.

Stopping at 80 percent fullness is actually a healthy strategy because it takes the stomach time to communicate fullness to the rest of the body. Many who stop at 80 percent will feel satisfied and will ultimately eat less. If you are accustomed to eating until you are more than 80 percent full, you might find that this stopping point leaves you less sleepy and more energetic after meals.

Practicing hara hachi bu is an excellent way to play with your experience of hunger and fullness. View it as an experiment. What does it feel like to leave the table with extra room? How difficult is it to assess that 80 percent feeling? Are there emotions or reactions that come up for you when you experiment with eating in this way?

Take good care,

Melissa

What do you do about hunger?

What kind of relationship do you have with your hunger?

Are you aware of feeling hungry?

Where do you feel it in your body?

On a scale of 1 to 10 (1 = empty and 10 = filled to bursting), how hungry do you let yourself grow before you eat?

Do you make a decision to eat based on body sensations of hunger, or based on the clock (it’s 6:00 so it’s dinner time), or based on the fact that your coworker left cupcakes by the coffeemaker?

How does it feel to be hungry? You may never have thought about this before, but I urge you to take some time to pay attention and explore this. Some people start to feel a little panicky when they get hungry. Some people block it out and aren’t even very aware of feeling hungry until their hunger feels enormous. Some people even get angry with themselves when they are hungry.

It’s incredibly important to pay attention to our hunger and the signals we are getting from our body. Many of us could get better at that. However, paying attention is only the first step. The second step is making a decision about how to respond to our hunger. Emotional eaters tend to feed hunger as well as emotions with food rather automatically—without giving it much conscious thought.

Consider this—often our responses to our hungers (both physical and emotional hungers) are learned in the family we grew up in. These responses are so automatic that we might not even realize that there is another way to approaching times when we feel hungry. What would happen if you got curious about your hunger? If you took a step back and observed it, if you didn’t respond the way you normally do and allowed yourself to observe what that was like?

Here are some ideas:

Note your hunger patterns. If you normally wait until you are about a “5” on the hunger scale before eating, what would happen if you waited until you felt more like your hunger was a “4”? How long would it take? Would that be uncomfortable? Would it bring up emotions or concerns?

If you normally eat until you are a “9” (very full), what would happen if you stopped at “7” and waited 30 minutes to see how you felt? What if you tried stopping at “7” all week?

Are you someone who goes from extremes of “starving” to feeling way too full? What if you made a commitment this week never to let your hunger get below a 3 or a 4 on the scale?

Remember—these are not dieting challenges or tricks. These are techniques for being curious about your hunger and observing and listening to your body.

Take good care,

Melissa

Creating Enduring Change With Emotional Eating: Maintaining

The most consistently neglected part of the weight loss process is the phase of “maintenance.” Without solidifying our ability to maintain, our chances of creating lasting change in our relationship with food or enduring weight loss are slim. Change is not a one shot deal.

Just as quitting smoking involves a lot more than throwing your cigarettes in the trash, conquering emotional eating is something we do over and over again, in big and little ways, as we build new patterns and tools for coping and new ways of being in our worlds.

Many of my clients come to me after significant periods in their lives when they’ve walked on the road they want to be on. They’ve taken charge of their relationship with food. They’ve found the groove of eating the way they wanted to eat. They’ve lost the weight and felt the excitement and the satisfaction.

And then something happened.

Their focus on food and eating increased. The activity level decreased. The cravings changed. The weight came back. And now they are feeling defeated and tired and they have a bit (or a lot) less hope then they did before. They're usually feeling pretty guilty and mad at themselves which makes things even harder.

Change is not a one shot deal.

You probably know how it works. You’ve made a successful change. You feel proud. You feel like celebrating. Or you decide you really don’t need to be quite so disciplined anymore. You start to slack off or you loosen the reins a bit. Is this a bad thing? Haven’t you earned it? How do you know?

Maintenance is not something that happens automatically—AND maintenance is the stage where all the hard work can pay off, or can start to unravel. Most of my clients are very clear that they know HOW to make changes. They know how to lose weight (if that’s their goal). What they struggle with is keeping it off. What they don’t want to do is lose the weight and then have to lose it AGAIN.

Working at maintenance isn't as dramatic or visibly rewarding as starting something new. Because "maintaining" is the goal, you aren't seeing the motivating external changes or smaller numbers on the scale. Your clothes fit the same way everyday. But putting a firm foundation for long term maintenance in place is crucial. Sometimes this is the phase where extra support and accountability can pay off big.

My advice to you: don't hesitate to get the support you need to establish a solid foundation of maintenance. You've worked too hard to create the changes you've begun to put into place. What do you need to do to make sure that you don't short change yourself?

Take good care,

Melissa

How to Identify Emotional Eating: Ten Signs

I'm often asked about how to identify whether or not emotional eating may be an issue. Emotional eating is not always easily identified. Here are some patterns that are likely to indicate that some kind of emotional eating is going on:

1. The hunger comes on suddenly and the need to eat feels urgent--physiological hunger comes on slowly and it's okay to delay eating.
2. You keep eating even if you aren't hungry anymore or the hunger doesn't go away even though you are full.
3. You eat to the point of physical discomfort.
4. You don't know whether you were hungry or not when you ate.
5. After you eat you realize you aren't really aware of how much you ate or how it tasted.
6. You have feelings of shame, guilt or embarrassment after eating.
7. You eat because you are bored, tired, lonely, excited.
8. Hunger accompanies an unpleasant emotion--anger, hurt, fear, anxiety. Emotional eating begins in your mind--thinking about food--not in your stomach.
9. You crave a specific food and won't feel content until you have that. If you are eating for physical hunger, any food will fill you up.
10. You keep eating (or grazing, or nibbling) because you just can't figure out what you are hungry for. Nothing seems to hit the spot (physical hunger goes away no matter what food you choose to fill up on).

“Melissa, Why do you work with bariatric surgery patients?”

I’m often asked this. Clients and readers are often curious because I’m not a weight loss surgery patient myself and because I don’t have a “weight loss story.” Except that I do. My story has emerged from the stories of others.

The truth is, I founded Enduring Change Coaching after years of practicing as a Clinical Psychologist. As a Clinical Psychologist, one area of expertise has been helping people with food and weight issues. Since 1995, I have worked with just about every kind of eating disorder, weight issue, and food issue an adult can have. I’ve witnessed peoples’ pain, struggles and desperation, and I’ve had the honor of sharing in their experiences of transformation (and I’m not just talking about weight)—as they found their own paths to making peace with food, resolving weight issues, putting eating and food in a much smaller place in their lives, and moving on to focusing on more enjoyable and empowering things.

I developed the Emotional Eating Toolbox™ and run the bariatric surgery coaching programs at Enduring Change because I saw people struggling with their weight and feeling hopeless and I knew the tools and strategies that I have developed with my clients can make a profound difference. I’ve met too many people who believe that taking control of their weight and their relationship with food isn’t possible and who believe that they must resign themselves to fighting—and losing—battles with weight forever.

I’ve known and worked with too many bariatric surgery patients who are stuck in a mode of self-blame. They believe they should be able to succeed with weight loss and with weight loss surgery without help or support and they blame themselves when they struggle.

I’ve known other weight loss surgery patients who were never told that there are other essential tools they need to acquire and use with weight loss surgery. (Thankfully, I’m seeing less of this.) They too feel like failures when they find themselves struggling with emotional eating, overeating and weight gain after surgery.

And I’ve worked with plenty of people who have had weight loss surgery, who know darned well that the procedure they had is only one tool. They know that they have other challenging work ahead of them, and other tools they will need to acquire to get where they want to go. The problem is, they aren’t sure where to get those tools. There are (in many areas) too few support groups (especially for individuals who are 12 months or more post-surgery) and not enough information about good resources. There is not enough information about overeating and emotional eating. People are quick to tell you not to overeat, not to use food to fill an “emotional hole,” and not to eat to cope with stress or boredom or loneliness. But there is not enough quality information and help out there about what to do instead.

That’s been my experience. And that’s why I coach individuals and hold special coaching programs and conferences for people who have had bariatric surgery—by telephone—so anyone can attend. It’s why I periodically offer free teleclasses. Most importantly, it was one of my motivations for creating the Emotional Eating Toolbox™ Self-guided Program. Because there is too much shame and self-blame out there. And because we all are a lot more likely to succeed when we have the right tools.

Take good care,

Melissa

Stressed Monkeys Overeat

So what's the significance of this story? Well, I hope it helps some who tend to get so angry with themselves when they succumb to eating under stress. No, I don't believe this study means that we can't take charge of overeating, but I think it does show that emotional eating is complex and that our appetites are driven by a number of different issues and realities. The desire to eat to cope with emotions and stress is something that should be approached with respect. Ignoring the cravings or the urges doesn't necessarily get us where we want to go.

I think the story supports the importance of having tools to cope with stress, to bolster our self-care and to help us feel empowered--tools that we can strive to use instead of overeating or stress eating. What do you think?

Take good care,

Melissa

The New and Improved Emotional Eating Toolbox is Here!

I'm pleased to announce that the Emotional Eating Toolbox(TM) 28-day Program for taking charge of overeating and emotional eating is now available as a soft cover workbook and CD set! The previous version, which was downloadable, is no longer available (thanks to those who helped me with my Spring cleaning!). The workbook is hefty--150 pages--and, just as it was before, it's packed with powerful tools, individualized strategies, templates and schedules to help you take control, move beyond dieting, and put food in a much smaller place in your life. If you check out the new graphic on this page you can see the snazzy new cover.

One of the reasons that we moved to a non-downloadable version was because we've had so much interest from groups, programs and support groups who want to purchase the program in bulk quantities and work through it together. If you are interested in volume pricing, please contact us.

Take good care,

Melissa

Mistakes That Sabotage Weight Loss and Contribute to Emotional Eating: Part One

One of the biggest mistakes that people make when they are trying to take control of their overeating is to deny their hunger. This is often the result of lots of bad diet advice. It goes something like this: "The hunger is all in your head, you don't really need any more food, it's "just" emotional hunger, so ignore it and don't give in to it."

This advice might work in the short-run--sometimes. In the bigger picture, it is NOT a recipe for success.

I'm here to tell you that the hunger IS real. When we feel hungry even though our body doesn't actually need fuel, we need to respect that we are thinking about food for some reason. The odds are that we are hungry for something. It might be stress relief, or a break, or love or even excitement or sleep.

Our job, if we want to take control of emotional eating is not to deny the hunger, but to acknowledge it, respect it, and develop the tools to identify whether it truly is a hunger that will best be fed with calories, or whether we hunger or yearn for something else, and we're just using food as a stand-in. Make sense?

It's only by respecting and exploring our hungers and feelings and needs that we can start to develop better strategies for feeding ourselves--strategies for meeting our emotional needs, our feelings, and our desires.

This can be tricky, and for many who struggle with emotional eating, it's a whole new world. Some of us have gotten so good at addressing our emotions, needs and desires with food that we don't even register the emotional part anymore--our brains try to convince us that we REALLY ARE just hungry for food. What we may need then, are more effective tools for clarifying and responding to those hungry feelings. Lots of people need help with that--and a good coach or emotional eating program can be the best resource we provide ourselves. What we really don't need is to ignore what is going on. Because if we do, the thing we are hungering for--whatever it is--never truly gets fed and never really goes away. And if we haven't figured out any other way to cope with it, eventually we overeat, blame ourselves, and the cycle begins again.

Take good care,

Melissa

Spring Cleaning For a Better Life

I saw a chiropractor for the first time last week. I have to admit, the long series of crunches, cracks and pops that echoed in my ear when he made his first "adjustment" thoroughly unnerved me. However, within seconds after that single, weird twist of my neck, I was flooded with the most amazing feeling of relief--from a pain I hadn't even realized that I had.

Thinking back, I realize that I've been living with this discomfort for months. I'd gotten "used to it." I'd adjusted and "forgotten" about it. And it felt SO GOOD when it was gone.

The experience got me thinking. So many times, a client struggling with weight and eating will be frustrated by their lack of energy or focus or motivation. When we dig deeper, they'll realize that something is going on that is putting their life out of balance--some stress or some difficult situation or some added demand. Whatever it is, they don't quickly identify it because, like the pain in my neck, they too have "adjusted" or learned to tolerate whatever it is. They've come to think of it as "normal" and they've been trying to "work around it." For emotional eaters, "working around" or not thinking about things tends to be related to overeating--because food and eating are ways to distract ourselves or "not think about" things.

The other problem is, these annoying, irritating or difficult things that we learn to tolerate or put up with, AREN'T WORKING FOR US. They use up our energy. They wear us out. They disorganize us. They keep us from being in optimal balance and from moving forward in the direction we really want to go. And many of them, with a little direct attention, can be dealt with.

So what are you tolerating, putting up with, "adjusting to" or trying not to think about?

Do you have a pile of anything in your life that you have to walk around anytime you want to get somewhere?

It might be a literal pile like laundry that needs to be folded or the junk in the garage that needs to go away, or it might be a metaphorical pile like a truth that needs to be told or faced or an ache or pain that you need to deal with. What is there in your life, big or small, that is sub-optimal? That gets in your way?

I'll make you a bet. I bet that if you started a list of all the things you are tolerating that could be better--or ignoring instead of addressing--you could begin to take care of many of them in less than one hour a piece. I know I'm amazed at what I'm starting to cross off my list.

So here's your Spring Cleaning Challenge:
Make your list. Put it somewhere where you can add to it as you recognize new items. Then commit to spending a minimum of 15 minutes a day clearing things off of it. Making the appointment to get your teeth cleaned only takes five minutes. Cleaning out a drawer takes about fifteen. Most tough phone calls or conversations you've been dreading will take less than an hour. You can knock out a round of errands in an amazingly short time if you make an organized plan first.

Take the challenge. I promise you that a little focused Spring Cleaning can make a noticeable difference.

Take good care,

Melissa

Emotional Eating Program for Weight Loss Surgery Patients

People sometimes mistakenly think that weight loss surgery is a quick fix. Not true. Bariatric or weight loss surgery is a tool that is sometimes helpful in helping people take control of obesity and lose a significant amount of weight. However, as all weight loss surgery patients learn, the surgery is only one tool of several they will need to lose weight, keep the weight off, and live the life that they truly want to live. One of the areas I specialize in is helping weight loss surgery patients acquire the other tools they need to make weight loss permanent.

Many weight loss surgery patients continue to struggle with emotional eating after surgery. Sometimes this is an issue immediately, but often it is over time that the emotional eating habits (and the weight) start to come back.

The Emotional Eating Toolbox (TM) 28-day program is a self-guided program that is very adaptable for weight loss surgery patients and that bariatric surgery patients have used successfully to take control of their eating and maximize their success with bariatric surgery. In fact, Bariatric Support Centers International (BSCI) reviewed the program and now features it on their website for members.

The Emotional Eating Toolbox(TM) Deluxe Program for Weight Loss Surgery Patients was designed for weight loss surgery patients who want to use the Toolbox program but would like more personalized support, accountability and coaching through the process. This deluxe program includes the Emotional Eating Toolbox(TM) 28-day program, four weekly hour-long coaching groups led by me and attended by other weight loss surgery patients (these small groups are held by phone so that you can participate from anywhere you are), and an individual coaching session with me to help you really fine-tune and customize your work on the program.

Sessions of this special program begin on April 17 and on May 29. The deadline for the April group is approaching quickly, but if you sign up by April 16 (assuming space is available), we can get you your materials in time for the first group meeting.

Take good care,

Melissa

How your iPod can help you take control of emotional eating

A lot of overeating (and emotional eating) happens when we use food to try to "feel better" or improve our mood or our day. Interestingly, music can be an incredibly powerful tool that can serve the same purpose--and doesn't cause weight gain.

At a conference recently, I experienced a very convincing demonstration of the power of music. We were shown a short three minute video, filmed from the perspective of someone walking on a trail through the woods down to a beach. There were no people visible in the video, we only saw the journey through the eyes of the person walking.

We watched the short movie twice. The first time, the video was accompanied by a soundtrack of "scary movie music" (think Jaws and waiting for the shark to break the water). We were all on the edge of our seats, anxious and waiting for something horrible to happen. Then we were shown the video again. This time the music was bright and happy. Watching the video, I noticed the sunny day and the beauty of the woods. It was peaceful and I wanted to be there. I wanted to BE the person walking down the trail. Music changed the mood and created a completely different experience. The music MADE the movie.

Think about it. Music can touch us in powerful ways. A certain song can transport us instantly to a different time or place. Music can elevate our mood. It can be incredibly motivating (think about the theme song from Rocky). Music can relax us and even help us slow down our heart rate.

Belting out the right song can be a great way to work out our anger (Alannis Morrisette anyone?), our hurt, our sorrow or our determination (I knew a woman who prepared to defend her doctoral dissertation by listening to Gloria Gaynor's I Will Survive). Music can soothe us. The right music can feed our soul.

An IPod or mp3 player is a great way to carry a library of music with you and make it instantly accessible. I have this Zune but the teeny-tiny green iPod Shuffle has also caught my eye. Listening to the music on my mp3 player can instantly change how I feel when I run and can make doing boring paperwork a peaceful and enjoyable experience.

Think about it. How and when could you use music to enhance your life, decrease your stress, and maybe even reduce your urges to overeat?

Take good care,

Melissa

Cravings, emotional eating, and knowing what to do about overeating

Emotional eating is a term that’s all over the media this month. There is lots of talk about Paul McKenna and the show I Can Make You Thin and how to stop emotional eating. I confess that I haven’t seen the show yet, but I understand that this week's episode showcased his use of Thought Field Therapy to address emotional eating.

I don't use Thought Field Therapy with my clients. Instead, I teach my clients how to get beyond their emotional eating by showing them the tools they need to identify what is driving their urges to overeat. I teach them how to identify what they need to feed their REAL cravings and hungers and emotions so that they can feel satisfied and stop focusing so much on food. I also don’t tell my clients to ignore their hunger (as many weight loss programs do). I don’t ask my clients to try to distract themselves so they can avoid their hunger until the next time when they are “supposed to eat.” I help my clients face their hunger head on. I help the people I work with recognize that their hunger means they are wanting or needing or feeling something and I help them figure out how to get clear on what that really is, and then how to respond to it.

When we have the tools to accurately respond to our emotional needs and wants, we are empowered to take care of ourselves in a way that overeating will never provide. THAT helps us make changes that last. Having the right tools helps people learn to give food a much smaller place in their lives and get on with focusing on the people, things, and goals that are truly important to them.

Tomorrow I am offering a free teleclass on How to REALLY Feed Your Cravings So You Can Lose Weight.

The class is tomorrow, Thursday, March 27, 2008 at 7pm Eastern, 6pm Central, 5pm Mountain and 4pm Pacific time and you can still enroll.

In the class, I'll teach you five ways to feed yourself what you are really hungry for that won't cause weight gain and should make weight loss easier. Trust me, these are NOT gimmicks or diet tricks. That's simply not what I am about. These are the real tools that you need to know to be able to lose weight and maintain weight loss.

Teleclasses are easy to attend. Once you are registered, you'll get an email with the phone number to call. You simply dial in and provide an access code. Note that you will be responsible for any long distance charges. You can go here to register.

Take good care,

Melissa

Are You Dreaming Big Enough?

Often, emotional eating happens when people are trying to fill unaddressed gaps in the rest of their lives. Emotional eaters tend to be some of the most giving people on the planet--to everyone but themselves. Taking control of emotional eating also involves taking a close look at the rest of your life. Are you giving yourself what you need? Are you feeding your mind? Your body? Your spirit? I promise it will be much easier to avoid the munchies if you are feeding yourself high quality stuff in these other areas.

Do you dream big? Do you dream at all?

I talk to so many people who have been jolted by the realization that they've been so busy chasing their lives and doing everything that's "expected," that they've stopped moving towards creating what they really truly desire.

So many people have wonderful dreams that are buried just beneath the surface--a book they'd love to write, a business venture they'd like to pursue, a race they'd like to sign up for, or a trip they want to take. If only.

If only they had: more time, more motivation, more get-up-and-go. If only they weren't so busy, or if only they had--more money, more connections, more support. If only they could get organized, or if only they could get some time to think. If only they could figure out the first steps.

Here's what I know:

1. The bigger we allow ourselves to dream, the more we accomplish and the more we start to see what is possible.

2. We don't have to be any more amazing than we already are to do amazing things.

3. We don't have to know exactly how we are going to make our dream come true in order to start pursuing it. But we do need to HAVE the dream. We do need to have to have a clear intention that we're going to do whatever-it-is and we do have to create space in our life for our dreams to emerge.

4. Big dreams usually don't require immediate big steps. Small, steady, consistent steps tend to create the most solid and enduring results.

My coaching challenge for you:

1. You've heard this from me before--set some goals.
It is vitally important to put what we want into words. Set goals that are concrete and goals that you can get excited about--both short term and longer term goals. Think about what you WANT to do, not what you think you SHOULD do. Choose goals that make you smile when you think about achieving them.

2. Ask yourself how and when you can commit time to your dreams.
If you need to create some space, ask yourself what you can give up, say "no" to or delegate. Even if you only have fifteen minutes a day or one Saturday afternoon a month, claim your time. Schedule it for you and write it in your calendar.

3. Ask yourself what you need to get started.
Do you need a boost in motivation or some inspiration? Do you need an actual place to work on your dream? A supporter or a mentor? More information?

Don't expect yourself to solve this problem in one fell swoop. Try to define one small step you could take towards obtaining what you need. Write the step down and set a date by which you'll accomplish that piece.

4. Take Action.
Sharing our goals is one of the most powerful steps you can take. Add a comment and share your dream or your goal and your first concrete step.

Take good care,

Melissa

Another free teleclass: stop overeating and keep the weight off

It's time for another free teleclass with more great tools to help you take control of emotional eating.

This month's topic is: How to REALLY Feed Your Cravings So You Can Lose Weight.

Thursday, March 27, 2008 at 7pm Eastern, 6pm Central, 5pm Mountain and 4pm Pacific time.

In the class, I'll teach you five ways to feed yourself what you are really hungry for that won't cause weight gain and should make weight loss easier. Trust me, these are NOT gimmicks or diet tricks. That's simply not what I am about. These are the real tools that you need to know to be able to lose weight and maintain weight loss.

Teleclasses are easy to attend. Once you are registered, you'll get an email with the phone number to call. You simply dial in and provide an access code. Note that you will be responsible for any long distance charges.

Attendance at these calls has been growing dramatically each time we offer one, so register early to hold a spot. If you can't attend, don't worry, the calls will be recorded and I will provide the recording to enrollees after the call.

Go here if you'd like to sign up.

Hope to see you in class!

Melissa

Emotional Eating Recovery Guide: 3 things to do instead of eating the M&Ms

The “M&Ms question” is one of the most common questions I hear. I believe it has been asked in every emotional eating group I have ever led.

“I’m not even hungry and I don’t want to eat them--but they call to me. And then I’m eating them. I can’t stop. What do I do about the blasted M&Ms?”

Here are three things you can do to avoid the M&M emotional eating trap. The bonus of these alternatives is that they all build skills that can help you take charge of emotional eating in the future.

1. Identify it and label it
Don’t allow yourself to be on auto-pilot. Don’t allow any part of yourself to deny what you know until “afterwards”. If you do, the M&Ms will win and you’ll end up feeling guilty and disappointed in yourself. Say it out loud, in a nonjudgmental way. “I’m not physically hungry and I’m dying for those M&Ms. I am experiencing something that is triggering me to think about eating even though I don’t need fuel right now." Don’t skip this step. If you are sitting in your cubicle at work and you are embarrassed to say it out loud, pull out a pad of paper and write it down. While you are at it . . .

2. Explore it
Without judgment, try to be a detective and see if you can identify what this “M&M attack” is really about. Pull out a journal or type on your computer for a few minutes. If you can, you might want to go for a short walk while you think. Why is the candy suddenly so important? What was happening before you were thinking of it? What would you be thinking of if you weren’t thinking about the chocolate? What makes this hour different from one when the candy wasn’t calling quite so loudly or at all? If you figure anything out, be direct with yourself and say that out loud too. “I’m not hungry but I’m focusing on eating candy. I just realized it’s because I’m really stressed out about this report I need to get done and I’m worried about how people will respond when I turn in the report.” If you hit pay dirt here, you’ll now find you have a different problem. The problem isn’t really about M&Ms, it’s figuring out how to take care of yourself and the feelings or issues you identified.

3. Start a List
Take the information you gathered in step two and start a list NOW of everything you can think of that you could do to take care of that feeling in addition to eating M&Ms. Put it in your wallet or by your bed where you can add ideas as you think of them. Don’t censor your ideas for being unrealistic or impossible. Write down every possible thing (big or small) you can think of to do in response to worry or anxiety or tiredness or boredom (or whatever you have identified). Make a commitment to try two of those things, this week when the candy craving hits. Carry the list with you. Keep adding and experimenting.

Recovery from emotional eating is a process. It takes time, and it takes the right tools. If you allow yourself to stop, identify that emotional eating is happening, and explore the situation and your needs, you will find your way out of the M&M trap.

Take good care,

Melissa